Days Between.

Where to begin?

It’s been over a month since I last wrote.

I suppose i could attribute this to being stuck in some sort of “culinary writer’s block”.

I’ve been struggling for inspiration in a number of respects, and trying to reclaim my personal drive to create.

I’ve been doing a ton of reading at the wine shop to kill time, and in turn have “kept the lights on” (so to speak), and find myself inspired in new avenues.

I’ve been doing some reading in the Alinea Mosaic forums, in addition to reading Don’t Try This At Home: Culinary Catastrophes from the World’s Greatest Chefs, Bill Buford’s Heat, and I’m almost finished with Marco Pierre White’s Devil in the Kitchen.

I’ve become a bit more interested in the European way of doing things in the kitchen, as well as how chefs rise from nothing to household names (and Michelin-star holders).

Heat gave me the appreciation for Italian cuisine (which i once could care less about), it also rekindled my interest in butchery by following the legendary Tuscan butcher Dario Cecchini.

Reading Devil… has transported me to a world of young ambition, and into the kitchens of the likes of Raymond Blanc, the Roux Brothers, and Marco himself. (not to mention the short mentions of Gordon Ramsay and Heston Blumenthal.)

I find myself being fascinated more and more by the savory aspects of cooking, rather than the world of pastry. Perhaps this could be credited to my chosen reading materials of the past month, perhaps it could be boredom, burning out, or a matter of the heart. (Actually most of the reading i do revolves around savory food)

Truth be told, my pastry career is largely by accident and circumstance – rather than a genuine “calling” or a voice in my head i couldn’t shake telling me to do this.
A few years ago, I happened to find myself in a situation where i felt confident enough i could produce higher quality product than the desserts made in house, or outsourced. The chef had no interest in creating desserts (though loving to eat them) and made it known. So I was given a shot, apparently did an alright job and was given a growing leash of freedom, until i outgrew the length of that leash.

Somewhere in that period of the “leash” (and i use this term metaphorically, with the utmost respect for my previous mentor) being at it’s furthest limits, i somehow had the chance to work at the Oakroom. (this after chickening out a few times to turn in a resume for a line cook position)

Now i wouldn’t say that Todd had no desire or talent to create desserts – he is merely spread out with a millions things on his plate (overseeing the Oakroom food, as well as his (then) recent promotion to hotel Exec. Chef.) So i find myself again in a similar situation. The guy who is willing to devote the time and effort to what is sometimes the “after thought” for both operators (when writing a menu) and guests (when dining from a menu).
This time with not the wings of a dove, but that of a larger bird…
The sky was literally the limit, so to speak. (within reason, of course)

In recent days, i find it incredibly hard to really fit the role of “pastry chef”.
If i think of core skills i’d assume a pastry chef to have basic proficiencies in (and understand the science and methods behind them), I look at these:
breads, cakes, sugar, chocolate, custards, pastries, pies/tarts.

I can honestly say i only have really mastered custards.
I know how hot to cook cream, how to temper, how far i can push the heat without curdling the eggs, and how to (sometimes) fix it if it does go too far.

The rest?
I can fumble my way through some of them.
Yet i have no real urge, no desire, no zeal to struggle through lessons.
I hated my one required baking class in college, and it is somewhat of a paradox that I’m where I’m at now – doing what i do. (Perhaps ambition, a stroke of luck, trusting mentors, or willing to take risks? – I do not know.)

The two elements that drive my pastry work explorations are flavor and manipulation – not tradition or mastering the benchmarks. Which is surely my biggest shortcoming.

To quote two pastry chefs whom i draw inspiration from:

Johnny Iuzzini (Jean Georges, NYC): “In pastry, we can start or end with anything we want.” (speaking to Daniel Boulud on why he works in pastry, rather than as a cook)

Alex Stupak (WD~50, NYC): “You know, it’s really just about controlling water” (on the use of hydrocolloids, modified starches, etc.)

I love that for the most part, i can put most anything on a dessert and “make it make sense” with the other ingredients. Don’t get me wrong, i’m not going to give you steak and call it dessert.
But in the same context, i use candied pancetta on a dish currently on the menu. I’ve made bacon fat-based caramel, i’ve used truffles, vinegar, (traditionally) savory herbs, spices, chiles, beer, whiskey, gin, vegetables… and made it all work and make sense, if you’re of an open enough mind to see beyond the traditional “rules” of the dessert course.

The manipulation stuff would take forever to write… check old entries. But it is literally as simple as controlling and manipulating water, which in turn controls texture.

I guess what I’m really getting at is:
I do and do not know what i want to be “when i grow up”

I use this not in the sense of being childish, or immature; but in the context of finding your place, your own path and the unknown road.

I know where I’d like to end up.
It’s just finding and choosing the right road to the sea often isn’t as obvious as one would hope.

In the meantime, I’m going to keep challenging and pushing myself and those around me, and continue the quest for excellence and perfection (whatever those may be).

~ by theironicchef on June 17, 2008.